Saturday, May 08, 2010

Mothers vs Stepmothers

There is a difference.... right?
I know that according to the dictionary there are two different definitions..... sigh. Still, I am having such a hard time with a current situation. Let me explain. Any advice would be awesome!

Justice lives with his father. Always has. I did not give him up. I did not NOT try to fight for him, but rather decided that being with his father was the best move for him at the time of our relationships demise. Fast forward to about 2 years ago. Justices Dad gets remarried. Awesome! But this woman has taken on a role that does not belong to her in my opinion. She calls Justice her son. Doesnt correct anyone when they call him his Mom. Justice to my knowledge does not call her Mom. But I have found he will not correct anyone either when she is being referred to as his Mom. Im so beside myself right now, I just dont know what to do.

I live in another state... so it is rare that I get to go to school or extra activities of Justices. I have spoke with his Dad about feeling left out when I do go and feel that I am treated like a stranger, rather than his Mom. Some of this is out of his control. But letting her know her role is something that he has had to speak with her about in the past and I thought/think is under control?

I dont know... I thought everything was under control until last night. Justice is up for the weekend and brought me a Mothers Day card with a video inside. I played the video and it was snips of pictures of his different activities throughout the school year. One particular clip was about biographies where the kids did reports and dressed up as their subject. The teacher took photos of the kids, their projects and the people that visited. All the sudden I see Justice. The next picture is of Justice and his Stepmother and the caption said "Justice and his Mom". My heart just sank. ;(

Ive been a Stepmother before and I would never ever ask those children to call me Mom. They have a Mom. I could and can in some exceptions see where a child would call a Stepmother "Mom".. especially when the child is very young and brought into the situation and/or the Mom is not in the picture. But these are not the cases with me/Justice.

Im just sad about the whole thing and then start 2nd guessing myself as to why Im so upset? If Justice is well adjusted and things are good here and there.. why do I do this to myself? I just know that when we move back home and I will be around more, it is going to kill me to be around this. I think thats why it is bothering me so much now.

Any suggestions?


Amie said...

That's a tough one, Ang! I don't have much experience with this, so I don't feel qualified to give much advice...however, Danny also had step parents at one point. He would refer to his Dad's wife as Mom only in mixed company (say when the other children were around..."is Mom in the other room?") or like you said, at a school or church function when it was just easier to refer to them as his parents rather than 'my dad and step-mom'. Not everyone deserves the whole answer and whole drawn out explanation, you know? It's like you choose your battles. She's a wonderful lady and we do love her, but one-on-one, she's Sharon, not mom. But in mixed company, calling her mom was easier. Does that make any sense?

jinxi~ aka angi said...

Thanks Amie, I believe you are right. I talked with Justice this morning and told him that when other people refer to her as his Mom that it hurts my feelings. He told me {through tears} that he tries to explain and that he does not call her Mom. I felt so bad for him to cry, I told him that I didnt want him to cry or for it to bother him, just that I was explaining that it had hurt my feelings and that it was all going to be ok. We spoke again tonight and I think now I can let things go and just let it be. What the future holds.. who knows, but deep down I know and Justice knows that I am his MOM, his ONE and ONLY. :)