Sunday, July 30, 2006


This nightmare has haunted me all week and thats why / how I came up with the weekend blog challenge...
First some background~ I used to work at a hospital and met a very cool couple{Sharon and Bob} through my office manager... she wanted me to meet them and their daughter{Lynne} and her husband and kids. The daughter and husband were a younger couple and didnt really have anyone to hang out with and at the time I was married and had just the one son... so we did start hanging out. Every other weekend we were at one anothers house and did everything together and then every year on Mothers Day weekend we'd all gather including her{Lynnes} parents and her brother Marc, my office manager and her hubby and my family for a cabin experience and car show. Anyway... we all worked in the healthcare field... Bob and Sharon were Paramedics and worked long hours, often several jobs at the area ambulance districts. Bob and I became friends as I was really into the ER drama and when my husband and I got married Bob had come downstairs to get me to tell me everyone was ready... he was the 1st person to see me in my wedding gown and told me that I was the most beautiful bride... something my own father had never done for me. Fast forward to a couple years later... We were on vacation in South Dakota when I got a call from my mom at our hotel. She told me some horrifying news. Bob had killed himself... I was in shock, I couldnt stop crying, but for the sake of my family I straightened up and called my old office manager and talked to her about the funeral as I was unable to come home and attend. It was a horrible thing, but it would seem that he was under intense pressure at his job and had recently tended to a particularly bad scene. He also had just found out that his wife Sharon had been having an online affair and was planning on leaving him. His daughter, my friend Lynne found him and he also did this act on her birthday... As soon as we came home from vacation Lynne and her family came and stayed with us and I comforted her during a big chunk of her grieving process. Then we grew apart as I got divorced and she and her husband got divorced and we both moved to different cities 3 hours from one another. Last year around this same time, my ex husband called me and told me that he had just found out that Lynnes little brother had now killed himself. I was floored once again. He had just recently gotten married and was recovering from an alcohol and prescription drug addiction and it would seem life was going really well for Marc....then this. I was unable to reach Lynne to tell her how sorry I was for her loss, but via my old office manager was able to get her the message. I havent gotten to speak with her in forever and miss her dearly... Fast forward to one night this past week... I awake in a horrible sweat, bawling.... I had had a dream that I was part of a CSI team/Paramedic team that went to a call... it was Lynne, she had killed herself and I was the one there that was to identify her.... OMG... what a nightmare... but I guess with the whole dream/nightmare experience it has made me want to contact her and get back into touch with her... I miss my friend Lynne and I want her to know just how much I love her.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Random Me~

Some of my favorites~
My favorite song right now on the radio... well Id have to say its just the station that plays all of my favorites... THE NEW HOT 104.1... hip hop is ALIVE! hehee.. I fell in love with Jamie Foxx singing DJ Play this girl a love songggg... I cant even write it without singing it. He is sooo freaking hot too! Id love if a dude sang like that to me. I also have a liking for the new Paris Hilton song... I sing along with it and my son Hunter shakes his booty and tries to sing too... good times!
My favorite movie is.... At Close Range... it stars Sean Penn and Christopher Walken.. Both are some of my favorite actors. This movie is a love story, family drama and even though I dont own it, I rent it at least 2 times a year... I know it word for word.. and bawl my eyes out everytime I watch it!
My favorite thing to eat for supper....I just love grilled anything in the summer with fresh home grown tomatoes, corn on the cob and baked potatos with roasted garlic! If going out I love good authentic Mexican or Italian.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


Lets see.... I was in a blissful hell when I was growing up. I came from a upper middle class family... adopted by my mothers 2nd love. I always thought I was loved and spoiled.. Until my adult years I didnt realize that that was all just a bunch of lies. Needless to say... with my *family* my brothers are my only memory that doesnt cause heaps of emotion that would make me want to off myself on a daily basis. My cousins as well. We were usually grouped with them while our moms watched Guiding Light and drank sweet tea. We didnt mind... we explored everything from animal life to sex. Some I admit embarrasses me now, but I understand that most kids explore that way and there is nothing to be shameful of.
My favorite memories though were spent during weekends at my grandma and grandpas... I LOVED EVERY MINUTE THERE!!! My grandma worked for Cheseborough Ponds {she ran the Qtip machine} for 32 years. And even though she would work long hours in hot factory, she'd always have me on the weekends, sometimes my cousin Michelle would accompany me too.... my favorite memories are of the times that grandma would get up and fix me pancakes... she'd always ask the night before what Id want and Id always say pancakes...hahaa Then we would go into Jefferson City {Missouri's capital city} and Id feel like a millionairess! hahaa She took me to fancy dress shops, shoe and bag shops, the 5 and Dime and let me buy candy cigarettes. Then she would buy me coloring books and children books... take me to McDonalds for lunch. When we got home she would get out the old oval galvanized tub and fill it with water and Id go SWIMMING! hahaa.. the evening would always end with us having dinner which included some sort of roast, fresh veggies from the garden and corn on the cob. I would then climb into my grandpas lap and she would fix us both huge chocolate shakes... I could eat more than grandpa and they would just laugh. Grandpa and I would sit there and listen to the Cardinals baseball game on the radio, but watch it on tv with the sound mute. During commercials my grandpa would play a game called *Foreknocker, Eye Winker, Tom Tinker, Nose Smeller, Mouth Eater and Chin Chopper* as he was poking the appropriate parts of my face and at the end he would say google google google and Id die laughing and beg him to do it again. My favorite weekends to spend with them were the long Labor Day weekend when I would stay up the entire time, have popcorn with grandma and watch the Jerry Lewis Telethon. My grandpa passed away when I was in highschool, it was the first serious close death I had ever endured... and almost the most painful. I continued to be very close to my grandma up until about 3 years ago when she started declining mentally and my aunt put her in an assisted living facility... and most recently a nursing home. I miss her and take comfort in the things she taught me throughout my favorite times with her, learning to cook, spending quality time with your grandchildren and taking the time to teach them sayings and verses... Looking back... if I had to weigh out the good and the evil of my childhood, these specific memories would probably cross out 90% of the bad and for that Im thankful...

Monday, July 24, 2006

Back into the Swing~

Thanks to some good friends... Im going to get this blog back up and into the swing of things.... Watch out girls and guys... My heart is ready to bleed some more!