anddd... the journey begins~

Im going to start blogging about a new journey that is beginning to commence in my life. I hope that you can understand, not judge me and support me through this journey. It is not going to be easy, its going to be the hardest thing Ive ever done or will do. {I think} Im going to need support, Im going to need prayers and Im going to need a lot of boosts along the way. Ive always been semi-confident in the things I set out to do.. and more so in my later years... but hey, everyone needs a little boost from time to time. And Im more than willing to give those boosts to anyone who needs them as well. We all need to work together is my opinion, its what makes us great!

ok so onto what the hell is going on! haha

So.. its no secret that I am a morbidly obese female. Im 42, I have high-Blood Pressure in which I take medication for as well as a seriously defunct Thyroid in which I take a dose of Thyroid so high I have to take 2 prescriptions because they just dont make the number that I need! I also suffer from Arthritis in my knees. Ive had all of the cortisone injections and prescriptions imaginable to treat that. All to no avail... and I still end up crying myself to sleep at night. Other than all of that the only other thing I can think of that is bothersome at times that normally requires medication is my psyche. I have been diagnosed with Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and a personality disorder called Borderline Personality Disorder. I have been treated for all 3 of these and currently require no medication. I have taken Zoloft and Prozac in the past to treat the depression, but am currently off the medication. With this new journey, I may just need to go back to it. It is a lot to handle and Im not sure emotionally I can without help. Im not afraid to admit it or take the prescribed medication. It is what you have to do in order to stay right with yourself and it is your responsibility to stay right for your family!

Ok, so this is my health history pretty much, and with this combine my BMI of a dangerously high number.. {hold your chests and hang on} 60. {I should be at 20-23} It is no wonder my family physician had BEGGED me for 3 years to have some kind of weight loss surgery.

I have finally decided that IT IS TIME. I want to LIVE! I want to sleigh ride with my kids, bike in the summer.. I want to know what it feels like to kneel down on the floor without worrying how I will get up. I dont want to feel embarrassed or harassed when I go shopping or having to worry if anyone has my size or will I have to order it online. I want my husband and children to be proud of me. I want to RUN! I want to extend my time here on earth. I NEED to do this.

Im scared. Im excited. Im cautious.

Tomorrow I meet with the surgeon and attend a seminar in which he leads that will go over the different kinds of weight loss surgery and what to expect. I cant wait!