Hey there Mr. Blue...

Justice and I at the Finn Inn back in February 2010.

Seriously.. how sweet is Justice in this picture??? I feel like I never post enough about Justice. He is the middle son, 10 years old.. he lives 2 1/2 hours away from me all the time. He is my most sensitive son and wears his heart on his sleeve 24/7. He is smart, emotional, loving and talkative. He also marches to the beat of his own little drum!

For some reason.. or many Justice is having some issues right now. I think for a while now anyway. He was raised and is raised by his father and has been with his father mostly until about 2 years ago when he got remarried. Not only did he take on a new step-mother but step-siblings as well. Its been a hard adjustment for him. He has never really "understood" the break up of his father and I. Two weeks ago he was talking to me and expressed once again how he wished that his Dad and I would still be married. He loves the idea of "family". And he wants us all to be together again. Its hard on him. He cant understand it fully.

Later this morning Justice will be seeing a Licensed Counselor to see if maybe he will let out some of his thoughts, talk things over... find alternatives to escaping..which is his survival code at the moment. Get some insight to things that his Dad and I cannot do. I hope that this is what he needs and that he gets the help he needs. I fear that I have not been such a good Mother and have been out of his life too much. I will never get over that fear ever Im afraid. I just hope to be better in the future. I want him to have the future he deserves, the now that he deserves. It kills me to see him so unhappy and sad. His teacher told us that he is having daily crying spells up to 10 times a day. This just isnt good. Something is eating at this lil boy. I pray and hope that you pray with me that he gets the answers or at least the understanding that he is lacking and that I cannot give him.

I love him so much... he is my shining star and I want him happy like every child should be!!!

Somethings you just cant...

Ive been having a bit of a problem lately... this pretty much explains it. I will be fine.. always am.. but sure wish I could figure out why I am the way I am! Hope your week is going good! Happy Hump Day!

A Sunday Confessional...

Well its Sunday, and Im here to confess a couple things.

1) I love Mickey Roarke

2) Today I have been less than sluggish!

First, my love for Mickey Roarke... why? Im not so sure, but I just do .. I think he is hot, love his movies lately.. have you seen The Wrestler? Oh man! I love his body.. and everyone in Hollywood says he marches to his own drum. Thats cool right?!

Second, yesterday was so much fun. I met up with an old friend and we had such a great time! I didnt want it to end even if I did have a thumping headache. As a matter of fact it was such a good time that today was just a big fat F-A-I-L in comparison. I dont remember being out of bed most of the day. I dont want to eat, talk or do anything. Ughhh. I hope this doesnt last I do know that. They say seasonal depression is on the rise, but normally I love what the fall brings.. all the smells, colors, outdoor activities... Halloween. :)

Oh well, tomorrow is a new day, and being sluggish and down is better than being placed in the ground!

My view of the StL!!!

hey guys!!!! Guess what??? I got all the billing done and I can play around a little today and tomorrow... whew- right?!!!

I thought it'd be kinda cool to take some pictures of my surroundings.. things I see on a weekly basis.. buildings and such... You don't see people taking these kinda pictures really anymore unless it is of a specific building for a specific reason or it is a business photo. This past weekend I was driving through the city and captured a couple photos with my cell {yes, driving and clicking pics is dangerous-please don't do this at home!}.

In the first pic, its me driving over the Martin Luther King bridge going into downtown St.Louis from IL. The bridge is over the Mississippi River and recently was changed from an open 3 lane layout to a 2 and 1 lane layout. The 1 lane going in and the 2 going out. And it scares me to death! I still wont cross over into downtown on that bridge at night! Too scary!!! The first time I had a panic attack and almost came to a complete stop in the middle of the bridge. Whew! Ive gotten better about the daytime and can make it across without having to take a different bridge and driving through downtown traffic.. but one more panic attack and I'll be back to doing that route again.. but lets hope not! On the good side, I get to see the beautiful Arch, the Gateway to the West every time I make this trip.. so that's awesome! We do have a pretty neat skyline I think!

In the second pic, I'm driving back over the MLK bride into IL. I'm shooting to my right looking out the window towards the Arch.. and you can see the other bridge that I detour during panic attacks photographed.. and that is called the Eads Bridge. A lot of times in the summer they will close down that bridge and you can walk across to the casino, or watch the Arch fireworks on the 4th. ps: You can really walk across it all the time, there are special sidewalks for it! This bridge is super old and just beautiful in its architecture! I love having pics taken down on the landing near it! {This is where all of Hunters photos were taken this year by my friend Cat!}

The last pic is a picture of a couple buildings I find to be VERY interesting in East St. Louis! They are super old as you can tell, and abandoned. They even have trees growing out of the tops!!! Id love to get a closer look at these buildings but they are located in a very dangerous city. I wouldn't go there in the dark let alone the daylight. :( Its sad, because these buildings are architectual art!!!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this lil tour.. maybe I'll do this so often and maybe you'll do the same. You never know when it may spark interest or memories. :)

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1.02.28

Loves It!!!

I love this photo!!!

My brother-in-law and one of the nicest people I have ever met-Jim and his daughter, my niece-Alana. They were challenging each other to get the best photos of the air show this past weekend.

Making Memories... its what its all about!

ps: Its 4.27am and I cannot sleep worth diddly. This OT is killin' me. Or is it the sinus/allergy season?..oyyyy
pss: If you look in the comments section of the Inspiration Saturday there are my answers to some of your questions. ;)

Air Show!

Did I ever tell you that we live with the Air Force base right behind our house? hahaa.. Yes we do!

Needless to say we hear a LOT of planes coming and going.. and let me just say, they shake the windows, keep us from sleeping or hearing conversations and they honestly excite me every time I hear or see one! ps: They used to scare the pee out of me though! hehee

Anyway.. almost every year the base hosts a big air show and they usually have the Thunderbirds or Blue Angels perform along with other old war classics. They put on a great show and lucky for us we have a comfy yard view of most of it. I wish my camera was more awesome because I could of gotten a lot of greater shots.

Hunter and I sat out Saturday afternoon for some and I forgot my camera, but Sunday we sat out in the yard for 3 hours! I brought my camera and here are a few of my fav shots of the Blue Angels! ...and one of me and Hunter ;)

Inspiration Saturday!!!

Wellll.. thanks to that sneaky sneak Laura... I got the thrifty bug and decided this morning when I woke up that I wanted to visit two of my favorite thrift stores today! And I did just that!!!

First stop the Belleville Salvation Army. I have always found some sort of bargain here! From the time I moved here and would go into town for doctors appointments when I was pregnant with Hunter and until I started work I would stop in at least once a month. I stocked up on play clothes, Halloween costumes, picture frames, books and just all kinds of goodies. Today was no different! I think I hit the jackpot! Todd gave me a $10 limit and away I went!

Today for $9.38 I got the following: A leather football {not pictured because the boys were playing with it}, a Liz Claiborne purse, a tie for Hunters soon-to-be Halloween costume, a pair of shorts for Hunter from the Childrens Place, 3 books and the best find.. a LIKE NEW Cards McGwire jersey.. I almost pee'd myself!!! SCORE!!!

Next stop... a little church ran thrift store on the corner downtown Belleville! We got the boys bunk beds there a longgg time ago.. and a lot of my buttons for scrapping came from there. I was so excited to go in.. but my limit in there was $5.. Todd the meanie said so. Anyway.. I found about 3 things that I reallllly wanted but didnt get, maybe another day. It was a stove top perculator in perfect condition from Corning Ware, a vintage metal red plaid thermos and a enamel green bowl. Of course when I got out to the car Todd says.. why didnt you get them. Ha! "rolls eyes"... anyway...

I spent $1.30 and got 4 packages of white/orange/red and antique colored lace for scrapping and these five books! I figured theyd be perfect for Hunter since he has been craving a bit of variety than what is in our library lately...and the biggest news................... The one book... Garbage Can Cat... I had it when I was a kid... again... I almost could not control the inner screamer in me!

So.. I must say thank you Laura for the inspiration to get out and thrift. There was only one thing missing.. I wish you could have been there with me.. because I just know that it would have been a great time!!!

ps: If you guys dont see me around for a bit.. Im neck deep in billing/invoicing at work. What a drag!!! I even brought stuff home to do..ughh.
One week and I should be back to regular business though. :)

Have a great rest of the weekend.. and be sure to write me and tell me what YOU did!!! :)

Who knew?

Who knew a breakup that didnt even involve me would be so emotional?

Last week Preston broke up with his long-time girlfriend Rachel. She called me Thursday morning sobbing. She was just sick and heartbroken. I didnt know what to say to her as I hadnt heard from Preston. She said that he stated that he was thankful for all she and her family had ever did for him and that she was a model girlfriend, that he just needed time alone and wanted to be single. And although I cannot blame him... he is only 21. It was just so hard to hear! Rachel, her brother, Mom.. her family just so close to us. I just hate it! I cannot tell you how many tears I have shed. I sobbed the entire rest of the day and quite a bit last Friday {Im sure this contributed to my headache as blogged about previously}

I spoke to Preston briefly on Friday, but he did not mention, nor did I anything about anything. And again I cried for him, for her.. just so sad.

Tonight he finally told me.. and basically the same thing he told her. I just asked him to please make it a clean break and do not give any false hope. He said he hated to be the jerk and do the breakup, but he didnt see forever and didnt want to put her through that if that was the case. Words sooo hard to hear. For her, for me. And tonight, she posted her Facebook status as Single and it started all over again.. the tears.. the sadness. Why is this effecting me so much?....

I think because when I was 21... Prestons Dad asked me for a divorce and basically said all the same things to me that Preston said to Rachel. It just brought all those feelings flooding back.. the heartache. I tell you the pain that I felt was just sickening. I literally thought I was going to die it hurt so bad. As a matter of fact, Ive always said since that a broken heart hurts worse than any real physical pain I have had to endure. And I am sticking with that still.

I know with time all will be well for the both of them. They are both smart kids, they both have a huge future ahead.. with or without one another. I just wish it wasnt so hard. Im going to pray for strength for Rachel and Preston to get through this rough spot in the road, thank the good Lord that they hadnt gotten married or had children yet... and selfishly pray for myself while Im at it. I can no longer pretend that it is PMS that is making me emotional! I guess I need some healing too!

Thanks for listening!

Chocolate chip-banana-nut Cresents..

well that sure was a mouth full ;) haha

Last week I was cruisen around the net and came across a blog that had a recipe for cresent rolls with chocolate chips in the center.. and I thought, wow, how simple. So when I went grocery shopping the other day I got some cresent rolls and decided yesterday to experiment.

I rolled out the cresents and then layered mashed banana and chocolate chips to the fat part of the cresent.

Then I added a sprinkle of chopped pecans and about a 1/2 teaspoon drop of peanut butter.
I wish now I had mixed the peanut butter and mashed banana together and spread onto the cresent, thinking that would have been a lot easier, also would have had a more even taste instead of the surprise peanut butter glob, which wasnt so bad.. but some people may have turned their nose to. Also note.. kinda press the chips into the dough, that will help when rolling these lil babies up!

Here they are all rolled up... I had a few nuts try to escape.. ha, funny how that sounds familiar ;) hehee

Next, I drizzled some melted butter over the tops of the cresents and then sprinkled plain ol' sugar over them.
Popped them into a 350 oven til golden brown. It took less than 10 minutes.

The outcome... beautiful little sweet treats!!! I think next time Id like to add a little sugar to the bananas to take the bitterness away.. but overall a neat lil quickie dessert! And because I explored with this.. I think I shall with many different flavors in the future. Never be afraid right?... Right! :)

Have a great week!!!!

Just watchin' the clouds roll by...

Today was a very long day... it didnt start out too good as I awoke with a horrible headache. I didnt even want to get out of bed I was that miserable. Good thing I was off work huh? LOL.. NOT, I wanted to be happy and bubbly on my day off! ;) I got up though and showered and then Hunter and I set off for our days adventures. I must say.. the kid was a pure angel. He was polite, respectful, helpful and really just a model child. {Where'd that come from? ;) hehe} He absolutely loves school and said he would miss it this long weekend. WOW.. love to hear that!!!

Anyway.. we started off the day with a little visit to my office. We really didnt do anything but sit and chit chat with the girls. Todd had mashed the tip almost off of his thumb earlier so that was quite the subject matter for us. Plus our agenda for the day. I know they were jealous of what laid ahead of us. hehehee

We went and grabbed lunch for Todd and took it to him since he was working through lunch trying to get a work project finished before the long weekend. Then back on the road we went.I had to take a necklace that I had bought back to Fashion Bug and a pair of earrings that I so embarrassingly bought 2 of a while back. {long story short, I thought they were actually 2 different pairs, but turns out 1 of the 2 were just turned around backwards... DUHH!!! haha} Hunter had a grand time helping me pick out a couple other necklaces and we were outta that joint!

Next stop.. the Pediatrician. O-M-Gosh... so dramatic! Hunter and I were the 1st ones there and it was so quiet in the waiting room. All the sudden a Policeman busts through the front door and runs to the back of the building. We see a ton of cops outside and hear sirens. I guess they had a back entrance and were in and out like that.. we never saw them again. I think someone had to be taken to the hospital ;( That was pretty wild, but all of the employees there seemed very calm.. except for Doc Joe.. he was very shook up you could just tell. He had a hard time getting focused on what he was doing. He gave Hunter a book-They always do!!! I just love this about them!!! Then did his physical. Hunter had grown THREE inches in the last year!! Doc Joe has always said Hunter was going to be a football player and reaffirmed it again today! Next, the sad part.. Hunter had to get 3 injections. The poor dude tried to be brave, but ended up crying a tad after one of the injections. I felt for him because they did look a little overwhelming. And guess what? He isnt done, he has 2 more next month.. this is a 3 step process getting him ready for school with the immunizations. whew!

I think he did pretty incredible and off we went to the *Halloween store*. Which was really the Dollar store hehee. Todd had been there the evening before to pickup some items and told us that they already had quite the Halloween collection out, so that got Hunter all kinds of pumped up. That would be his reward for doing well at the Pediatricians office. We found all kinds of scary candy that I went ahead and bought, an afro wig in black for his costume {to remain a secret} hehe and some window clings for my office. Hunter picked out a huge toy gun/Army kit, I must say it was very cool for the price! Also got a few necessities.. like the new Gain dish soap! I cant wait. Yes, I am excited. LOL

We came home.. changed clothes and headed out to do my most favorite part of the day... watch the clouds roll by!!!! We have a huge hill behind our house, so we took blankets and pillows and laid there and watched the beautiful clouds! Talked about the shapes and what clouds would taste like. Hunter says... soap! haha yuck! I say.. cotton candy! yum! We did that til I remembered that I wanted to try the tshirt bleaching that I found through Homemakers fabulous lil blog! I made one, Hunter made one and by the time we were finishing up my niece Alana came outside {they live next door} and she got to make herself one. For the first time I dont think we did terrible. I especially loved Alanas! I liked mine well enough to wear it out later when we went to dinner and shopping... so guess it wasnt too bad! ;) And even with his wounds Hunter found some time to jump around and act like a little boy. While we had been laying out on the hill he had said he wished we had a blanket to cover up with.. I truly think if we had he would have been out like a light!!! hehe The fresh breeze, Mom and the sun.. so beautiful!!!

Hunter used his Army men as stencils!

Alana and I used a metal decorative cross from my house! We plan to dazzle them up with fabric paints.. I think I'll try a different shirt though first!


Finally.. Todd came home and we all freshened up and headed out for Chinese.. after that JC Penney. I tell you.. I cannot stand our JC Penney! The one back home is out of this world.. but here BLAH I say.. just BLAH. I never find any REAL bargains and I always end up irritated and sweaty by the time I leave. Tonight was no different. Todd and Hunter were even clamouring to get the heck out of there. But we did manage to get Todd some new jeans and Hunter a pair of flip flops on clearance, some new undies and a tshirt. By the time we left there it was 9pm and Hunter was begging to go home and just go to bed. And that is exactly what we did!

What a full, full day!!! :) Thank you for letting me share it with you! I know Im long winded, but it is 2am and I cant sleep now LOL.. maybe Im over tired???


Have a great weekend!!! ;O)

Today

I am........

heartbroke
selfish
mad
sad
emotional

but........

I am also.....

blessed
happy
healthy
loved
in love

so you know what... everything is going to be ok... with a little time and a little prayer... its all going to be OK!!!

ps: I think I really want that tshirt ;)