Goin' Bananas~

Ok, I know with all this WLJ talk going on that I shouldnt be posting such recipes.. but goodeness, it just popped into my email and I just think it sounds so yummy that I wanted to post and share with ya'll.

Banana Chocolate-Chip Cupcakes

Ok, since this pc is being a butt head I will just link in the title of the cupcakes to the recipe.. its pretty simple, you just add in 2 bananas and chips to the recipe of the white cake mix{basically} and bam.. I bet they are so good. Did I buy the stuff to make these..... YES! Will I make them?... ummm probably not until a gathering or something like that happens. Until then, I'll have to pretend that they are melt in your mouth yummo. If you try them.. let me know!

Hope your weekend is rockin! ;)

Double Digits and the Big Five~

Well its been a couple weeks now.. but my two youngest, Justice and Hunter had birthdays. We had a whole weekend of celebration! It was really groovy because in addition to Justice being here Preston and Rachel were here as well.

We got up on a Saturday morning and made a birthday cake for the boys. Todd cut out the plan and then Preston decorated it. It turned out awesome and it tasted soooo good! Rachel and I assisted in the whole process ;)....

Later that day we met with Jim, Melly and Aj and had dinner at Lotawata Creek at the boys request. The place is sooo yummy! A bit spendy but my oh my is it ever worth it and the wait!

Here are the photos for the whole day/evening if you want to take a look!

We got our eat on.. came back to the house and the boys did the birthday cake thing and they opened their gifts. Big hit was the Tony Hawk "RIDE" game that Aunt Melly and Uncle Jim got them. We spent the rest of the night playing that and eating cake.. having a good ol time! ;)

I cant believe my boys are growing up so fast. Sad, but happy all at the same time! ;)

Crunch Time~

Wow.. cant believe its been 10 days since I last blogged! Ive thought about it several times and wanted to but these past 2 weeks have been hell. I thought things were supposed to calm down in 2010. LOL Work has seriously stressed me out... and apparently made me into a different person. Ive become more outspoken to customers and was actually told that I was *arrogant and sarcastic*.. I do not think I carry these traits at all! But maybe Ive went overboard because of the stress?! I just dont understand that the trash business is so dang tragic and dramatic, but it sure as heck is. I just am to the point where I say... put it out the night before, pay your bill... we pick up.. if we dont for some reason THEN ok, please call. But otherwise I should never have to talk to you. Never. Arghh...
Enough of that.. onto some other matters of business...

1} WLJ.. not much going on on that front. I see my regular doc on the 5th of February and will talk to him about all of this. Monday- the 1st... Todd and I are going to start with our diet/exercise and goals. I weighed in this week and Jillian from Biggest Loser is right.. stinkin' stress can make you blow up! I have probably gained 4-6 pounds since the 9th of January. And, Im at my highest weight ever!!!.. Ive NEVER been this heavy even with pregnancy. So, after a week of crying over it.. Im feeling better and more positive. Im looking forward to making our grocery list and shopping and the sheer burn of some exercise! hehe Also, we decided to start taking a multi-vitamin too. Our friend Matt and his g/f Beth told us about the One-A-Day Energy multi-vitamins and they say it just gives you that extra pep in your step without jitters. Its an all day kind of energy. We said heck its worth a try. So tomorrow we start taking those. I hope that they do give a little boost.. it certainly wouldnt hurt. I'll be sure to update on that as the weeks go by.

2}Teeth... OMYgoodeness! Have ya'll ever had a tooth abscess? Back when I first moved to IL with Todd I had a toothache.. first time ever in my life. So went to the dentist to find out that I needed a crown. After a few visits getting it primed I found out I was pregnant. Well, when the doc found out he went through the roof and did not finish putting the crown on. So with time and no insurance I just let it go. And until recently {past 6 months} the tooth is crumbling and causing me some pain. Lately it has been abscessing and causing sooo much freakin' pain and general feeling of YUCK. So today, I have had it. I called and made an appointment to have a consult and get it taken care of. It is next Friday after I see the regular doc! When I called the secretary said she couldnt believe I was willing to wait until next Friday. I said well it does hurt. she said oh my you must be feeling bad, and hurting. Yes. It does for sure.. but I waited this long. In the meantime they put me on some heavy duty antibiotics to get me prepared for stuff that they may do next Friday. I just want it all removed! Cheaper ;)

3}Facebook.. I love facebook, Ive really been able to reconnect with a bunch of folks from back home especially that I really miss! Im also able to keep in touch probably moreso with my brother since he is now in Hawaii. The only thing thus far {until this morning} that bothered me was the virus that we got through it. A good virus/trojan/worm program fixed that. So anyway, this morning I happened to be just surfing around when I came across a fella that used to be really good friends with my son Preston. They used to chum around in Elementary school and we even had this fella to our house for sleep overs several times. Now, he is about 20, same age as Preston.. but surprised to find out that he is married and has a child. So being the nosey person that I am.. I decided to look at some of his photos of his family... only to find photos of him drinking, being drunk and I can only assume high. There were photos of him passed out and of him using a bong. Ughh.. to each his own.. but I just didnt want or need to see that. Learned my lesson.. but man... what if his Momma saw that?.. she would be heart-broke! I know I would have!

More to come this weekend.. woot woot.. Glad its here! Enjoy yours! :)
ps: Maybe I can get more blog links up.. I miss having those.. we saved them when we moved the pc.. I just need to get them all back into place!

WLJ Update~

WLJ{Weight Loss Journey}
Well, I told you that last Monday Id be receiving a call from Dr. Wagner the surgeon who Id contacted for the LapBand.... I did indeed get a call from Brittany-who has been assigned to help me through this whole process. I cannot express how upset I was after the call. Angry, crying.. I had just received a LIST a mile long of things that I had to do if I wanted to continue with this journey. I have been struggling since with my decision and am still at a loss as to how to go forward.
First and foremost, if I do not plan on paying for this weight loss surgery on my own, in full .. I will have to wait NO less than 6 months to even start moving forward even a tiny bit.

Brittany told me that she had called my insurance company and was told that they do not cover any type of Bariatric surgery. Ok, so I knew that... but.. the insurance company did say that if the physicians involved in my care wanted to "fight" them, they would do a review... possibly several.. and I would either get the go ahead or not. And all of this AFTER my 6 months of a supervised physician diet and exercise program. It does not matter my past or what I have done.. it starts from the first time I see my physician and on. I am to see him once a month for talk, diet plans and exercises. He documents. He sends findings to the insurance company ALONG with LIST for review.
The list includes... 2 different physician letters supporting my need for said surgery. A Nutritionist eval, Psyciatric eval, Medical Records {lifetime}, series of blood work ups, TSH, current diet plan {the 6month ordeal}, diet history {past 10yrs}, Upper GI, full cardiac clearance {who knows what kind or how many of the cardiac tests are needed}and PFS. I think that is it.. I was trying not to cry and write all of this down.

So, I do all of this and it can be denied.. several times over, with more tests and more urgent letters from the docs.. and more diet plans and cost. {Just my copay is $20-$40 per visit}.. She also suggested joining either Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers and pay them to journal/keep my records for me as another form... alas costing even more moolah!

Im not opposed to doing all of these tests.. for real it could be very helpful. Butttt... the cost, the time consumption.. and all to hear a NO.. I just dont know if my heart/soul can handle that. I just dont know.

On the other hand.. if I had a cool $15K for the surgery.. Im looking at a letter from my physician, medical records {past 5 years} and a Psyche eval. .... thats it.. done... have it and in and out lickity split. Crazy.. pure crazy!

Im at a sheer loss. Ive missed the window to get in to see Dr. Wagner for a consult this month {and wouldnt you know his consult fee *cash only* is only $200 this month, rather than the usual $375}...I dont see my regular physician until the 5th of February. He will then set up yet another visit to talk to me about the 6 month diet thingie. YAY.. so many delays.. so many decisions. In the meantime.. Im going to start my own diet/exercise with Todd as planned before going to the seminar as it was one of our New Years Goals.. we'll see how that works for me... it certainly couldnt hurt!!!

Next time.. a peek at our 2010 New Years Goals and possibly a look back at some 2009 highlights!

Prestons Post-Surgery Update~

The x-rays after surgery, showing the screw.

... I apologize for my recent disappearance... I went back home last Wednesday the 13th to be with Preston for his wrist surgery. If you remember back on December 20th, he had a sledding accident and broke his wrist. Finally he was able to have surgery where a screw was inserted to keep the bone in place. I am just now in a spot where I can blog/update his status.

Preston is now doing pretty well. He has some rough spots but is now able to hold back on the pain meds and not take them as often. I tell you.. I have never seen a kid so sick and not been able to do anything for him. He was in so much pain after the surgery. :( He was in tears and just plain mad!

Preston waiting to go into surgery, he looks so nervous!

His surgery had been moved 2 times and finally we were on our way over to Columbia to do a few errands before the scheduled time of 5.30pm. As we were driving over the doc called and asked him to come on in. I think that shock and not preparing himself really threw him and us for a loop. He was quite nervous, shaking and completely red with a rash. But it all went pretty fast. He went into the hospital at 1.30pm and we walked out to the car at 5.00pm. I really think they should have kept him a little longer as he still needed some assistance walking. He was pretty woozy and as I said in a LOT of pain!

Rachel-his girlfriend and I were able to chit chat while he was in surgery and she helped me keep the tears from flowing too hard! The surgery really went fast.. maybe a half hour to hour?! {Im so happy she is there with him to help as well. I know he sure is.}

It took us about 45 minutes to get to Fulton as I didnt want to drive too fast and crazy. I had a feeling he would get sick from the anesthesia and I was right. While we were in Walgreens waiting on his scripts he got sick several times. I was so happy to get him home and fix him some soup and get some 7up into his system. I felt so bad and so helpless .. but he managed and by the time the evening was up he was in good spirits {mainly due to the Percocet he was prescribed} haha.

The doc said that his bone was in place and he thought it would heal just fine. He did say they had to cut one nerve along the skin which was unavoidable but that may give him some extra pain, numbness and tingling. It wouldnt cause any permanent damage, but may cause him to have some numbness in the size of a quarter on the top of his hand. I hated to hear that but thankful that with this kind of accident it wasnt something worse! The doc also told us that since he was so young and still exercises and works with his hands that he would not need any physical therapy. He thought it would heal perfectly. So for now he is in a cast. In 2 weeks he will see the doc again, have the sutures removed and be fitted in a softer splint. After about 4-6 weeks he should be good to go for moderate activities.

Preston pointing to the spot where he thinks the screw was placed!

I do have to say thank goodeness Preston is left handed and this happened to his right. He is doing so much better than I would have. His main irritations are not being able to button his pants and the frustration of not getting paid/work and disability issues. I told him, be calm, polite and forceful. hehee All in all, I think he is going to be fine.. and probably not on a sled again anytime soon! ;)

Bright Idea~

Well.. so much for me and my bright ideas! While I love this layout and thought I should try something new... I ended up losing everything personal on the side of my blog. So there is NO retrieving it. I shall start anew. Please be patient with me while I re-build my blog. LOL ;) This is what I get for being so irritated at not being able to put a photo into the last header.

On top of things its 3.10am and I need to get my freezin' butt back to bed.. I dooo have work today! Today and tomorrow that is.. then I am off hopefully the rest of the week. Im heading back home Tuesday night to be there for Prestons wrist surgery that is scheduled for Wednesday. I want to stay through Thursday and come back but may have to wait til Justice gets off school Friday.. he is coming up this weekend to celebrate his and Hunters 10th and 5th birthdays! Whichever.. I sure could use this lil mini-break. Todd is hatin' it! ha.. oh well.. I dont say much when he leaves for 10plus days to hunt now do I? ;)

I will keep you up to date on the surgery and outcome w/pics I hope. hehee and then of course the birthday party! Im still trying to decide if I want to do an R2D2 cake or a "Blue Note" hockey themed party.... Im thinking the R2D2 because both are into Star Wars and only Hunter is into the hockey. Plus Star Wars stuff is just easier to find, and in general.. cuter?! haha

Have a great week folks! and ps: Thank you so much for all of your kind comments. Im in tears with the knowledge that I have such great cheerleaders and friends to help me through this life.. in every aspect! It means the world to me sincerely!

Easy way out~

Journey talk here: Am I taking the easy way out? I know there are some folks out there that probably think that having some sort of weight loss surgery is just an easy way out. Well folks, I believed for myself that that was in fact true, right up until the 3rd physician told me the very opposite yesterday. Ive been thinking for years.. maybe Ive just not worked hard enough, been diligent enough. After all, when I was young- up until I graduated high school I was in my healthy range.. and at times dipping below my recommended weight. I was young, I was active.. and had relatively no health issues what so ever.

Thennnn came the baby weight, weight I gained during a pregnancy that ended in miscarriage.. weight never came off. Then my pregnancy with Preston... after he was born my thyroid decided to go whack on me. I kept going higher and higher in weight despite my efforts to stay healthy. I tried every diet imaginable.. except for pills {I do not believe in them}, South Beach and Jenny Craig {$$$ and I ultimately found out buying food for a program is not going to be a life long change} Ive been to TOPPS, done Weight Watchers, Richard Simmons Deal a Meal, Adkins, counted calories/fat, exercised my butt off {or tried} hehe.. Ive done the grapefruit diet, diet shakes, diet meals, cabbage soup diet. I will admit Im not the best at keeping away from fast food joints, but I try really hard not to be real bad. Ive cut my portion sizes down. I dont snack. I may lose 10 to 25 pounds on any one of these diets, but the weight always came back and I always added an extra 10-15 pounds on top of it. And with each pregnancy and year that passed. {which is a lot of years, cuz Im old ya see! ha!} its always went up.. not down.

I have done what Ive been told by the doctor and still.. cannot lose weight. Apparently without this surgery Im not going to.. I have now been told by 3 different physicians that I never will without the surgery. I finally believe them. In fact my family physician will not even let me exercise because he is afraid of the damage I will do further to my knees. Now that's just plain crazy! But I can understand. Its hard carrying around another body on top of mine. Heck, my OB/GYN wont do a hysterectomy because of my weight. Its painful, Im miserable and I do wish I could do more, so that I wouldnt feel so guilty. Todd assures me day after day that I do not over eat. He assures me that he eats double/triple what I eat. I just cant shed it. I have absolutely no metabolism which sucks big time. Im sure with that and the hereditary factors I have going for me {my biological Dad was morbidly obese}...that I dont have much going for me at all.. LOL.

So after yesterdays lesson.. I learned one thing. This surgery.. if you think it is the easy way out.. attend a seminar. They will tell you clearly it is not. It is a lifetime commitment. Not a fun one. My mind is still reeling at the fact that I will never be able to eat a whole piece of anything. That I will have to chew my food to mere mush before I can swallow it. That if I do not follow the physicians orders implicitly I will be in severe pain and that there WILL be consequences, and some of those consequences are fatal. It is a reality that I have to prepare myself for, study for and commit myself to for life. So please if you for one second think that I do this as an easy way out. Follow me. I can guarantee its not going to be "the easy way". But I can also guarantee that I am going to follow and do as my physician says so that I do not have complications- so that I can succeed and that I can show the naysayers just whats up! ;)

Seminar Time~

I have researched Dr. Wagner for quite some time. I have frequented his website, joined online groups regarding weight loss surgery, which have also included his current and previous patients. My physician also highly recommended Dr. Wagner. So it is natural that we would select such a man to go to with such serious thoughts and questions on our minds. Life changing stuff there!

So thankful that our good friends watched Hunter for us today so that Todd and I could attend the seminar put on by Dr. Van Wagner and St. Alexius Hospital.
The seminar started with a representative for the whole program .. She was a horrible speaker hahaa.. so we were happy when Dr. Wagner took over. Dr. Wagner then went through explaining in great detail the different types of weight loss surgeries that he performs. He went through preparations for the surgeries, what happens during and after. He explained his affiliation and accreditation's with the hospital and their prestigious award. He then answered questions that the audience had.. and let me just say I had a list and even though I thought some may have been silly.. he answered with a smile. I wouldnt know otherwise huh? haha ;). He explained that if there was any doubt in our minds that we wouldnt follow through or follow up with him that we should just leave right then. If we smoked to leave right then unless there was a plan to stop-thankfully Ive never smoked and am not around it much at all!

I have been studying about the Lap Band.
And after the seminar am still very interested in this procedure. I will of course have to consult with Dr. Wagner and decide together if this is the surgery right for me specifically.

So Monday my specific case worker will give me a call and tell me the next steps I need to make to get this whole process started. I have put this thing off for so long because of the cost and insurance loop holes, but I am prepared to take it on full force and with vigor! Todd too.. he is my biggest cheerleader! ha! Seriously though, without his sincere encouragement and being there for me.. Im not so sure I could go it alone! We are going to make this happen....

Im finally on the road to a new me and I couldnt be happier! :)

anddd... the journey begins~

Im going to start blogging about a new journey that is beginning to commence in my life. I hope that you can understand, not judge me and support me through this journey. It is not going to be easy, its going to be the hardest thing Ive ever done or will do. {I think} Im going to need support, Im going to need prayers and Im going to need a lot of boosts along the way. Ive always been semi-confident in the things I set out to do.. and more so in my later years... but hey, everyone needs a little boost from time to time. And Im more than willing to give those boosts to anyone who needs them as well. We all need to work together is my opinion, its what makes us great!

ok so onto what the hell is going on! haha

So.. its no secret that I am a morbidly obese female. Im 42, I have high-Blood Pressure in which I take medication for as well as a seriously defunct Thyroid in which I take a dose of Thyroid so high I have to take 2 prescriptions because they just dont make the number that I need! I also suffer from Arthritis in my knees. Ive had all of the cortisone injections and prescriptions imaginable to treat that. All to no avail... and I still end up crying myself to sleep at night. Other than all of that the only other thing I can think of that is bothersome at times that normally requires medication is my psyche. I have been diagnosed with Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and a personality disorder called Borderline Personality Disorder. I have been treated for all 3 of these and currently require no medication. I have taken Zoloft and Prozac in the past to treat the depression, but am currently off the medication. With this new journey, I may just need to go back to it. It is a lot to handle and Im not sure emotionally I can without help. Im not afraid to admit it or take the prescribed medication. It is what you have to do in order to stay right with yourself and it is your responsibility to stay right for your family!

Ok, so this is my health history pretty much, and with this combine my BMI of a dangerously high number.. {hold your chests and hang on} 60. {I should be at 20-23} It is no wonder my family physician had BEGGED me for 3 years to have some kind of weight loss surgery.

I have finally decided that IT IS TIME. I want to LIVE! I want to sleigh ride with my kids, bike in the summer.. I want to know what it feels like to kneel down on the floor without worrying how I will get up. I dont want to feel embarrassed or harassed when I go shopping or having to worry if anyone has my size or will I have to order it online. I want my husband and children to be proud of me. I want to RUN! I want to extend my time here on earth. I NEED to do this.

Im scared. Im excited. Im cautious.

Tomorrow I meet with the surgeon and attend a seminar in which he leads that will go over the different kinds of weight loss surgery and what to expect. I cant wait!

Needle in a haystack?~

Did I find the infamous "needle in a haystack"??? hahaaa.. Take a look this!

For Christmas Rachel and Preston had gotten me a huge stack of new wash clothes in the prettiest colors! {you have to have been married/relationship for a LONG time to be able to appreciate them in the manner I did} hahaa..

anyway... I washed them up and folded/removed tags... Id finished and was reaching down to grab them to put them away when something shiny caught my eye. I thought maybe it was a regular pin like how they used to pin tags onto clothe items back in the day. I got to looking closer and pulled on it.. and out came this needle.. thread still attached! I mean it is a heavy duty needle still intact about 2 1/2 inches long.. and it was placed along the edge of the washcloth just begging to be found.

Im so enamoured with it still. I had to take a pic, share the strange story with you all. Has this happened to you? And I wonder what the person that left their needle in my "haystack" would think? heheheee ps: Ive been wondering too ... surely there wasnt someone hand sewing the washclothes? crazy thoughts! crazy life... I dont think 2010 is going to be an exception! ;)

Happy New Year!!!

Help Please~

I have tried and tried to complete my new blog banner and I just cant. I forgot how to put the photo into the banner.. argghhh.
I opened my PSP program and stared at it/worked at it for almost 2 hours and I just cant remember.. so if there is anyone out there willing to help an old lady out, I would love it. I love this layout and want to call it my own... at least til spring. ;) I appreciate it in advance!

Still in 2009 Part 2~

Part 2
Ok.. so onto the trip back home to see Dad and my brother Daniel, his family and have Christmas with all three of the boys.
We headed out Christmas Day about 12ish Id say.. It was cold and we ran into some light snow/drizzle.. then this... TIMES 50 at least!!! Damn was I scared!!! Lucky for us traffic was at a complete crawl.. what normally took us 2 hours took 3. There were soooo many accidents and the Interstate was closed down in several places!!! By the time I got to Dads I had a tension/migraine soo bad. It took a complete 24 hours to shake it! But we made it safely and all was good.. in spite of me remembering that the worst car accident I was ever in was exactly 10 years to the date that day! Oh yeah.. traveling on Christmas Day.. never a good idea! Never! But we risked and are ok! and hopefully those in the crashes that we saw were ok as well.. I didnt see any real *serious* scenes so I am praying!

We made it down to Dads and got comfy and just hung out til Bill brought Justice out. We then let Dad open a gift and the boys their gifts to each other and one from us! We all got snuggled down and watched the snow!!! I was never so happy to see such snow falling in the country.. ahh to be back home. I was hoping it would snow 2 ft so we'd get stuck there for an extra week! ha!

The next day we had our little family Christmas with the boys and Rachel! They seemed to enjoy everything they received and were intent on seeing everything that was given. :) I took tons of pics of course! Daniel and his family was there then later in the day and we opened our gifts with Dad too. My favorite quote of the day came from my niece Savana when she opened her new fleece jacket.. she said "oooohhhh myyyyy" ehehee.. Made me feel real good! We had dinner and relaxed..
Next day a bit more of the same relaxing and hanging out watching the snow. After the roads were cleared we went to Columbia and ate at one of my most favorite restaurants.. Angelos! Perfect Greek food.. soo yummo! Back to Dads to watch A Christmas Story and Home Alone! hehe.. The next day we came back home.. and we are STILL tryin' to recover! haha!

Here is a link to all of our Christmas photos! Enjoy! ;o) ....
.........and thank you for letting me share 2009!!!

Happy 2010! But wait.. Im still in 2009!~

Part 1
Wait.. hold up!!! I still havent finished tellin' ya'll about 2009.. I cant start 2010 with good conscious until I do.. so lets see. hmmm where was I??? Oohhh Did I tell you that this afternoon after coming back from the mall and lunch out with the guys I happened to notice that I never took down the fall flowers outside to put up the poinsettias!!! Wow, did time pass by or WHAT! I mean it is a real blur looking back from here til Halloween. Depressing.. either I blocked it out or just plain dont remember it.. but Im sure I'll get it together at some point and get back on the straight and narrow! My super plan is to blog every Sunday morning for sure.. and in between as the mood or event strikes me! With facebook, Im always thinking everyone sees whats up with me there.. but I do know there are several of you who dont do FB.. so my friends I am here for you.. plus as I said before.. what a great journal to have right here at my finger tips!! ;)

Now lets catch up!

Back during November deer hunting season Preston got a pretty good sized buck. Then he took another..he said it was bigger.. Im totally confused but just know that Im proud of the dude! I love that he hunts! He got both Justice and Hunter camo for hunting.. and let me just say that if he or Todd doesnt take them out this next year... Momma is going to come unglued! haha ;) We still have to get Justice a coat and boots but other than that, they are set.. and so am I! haha
Here is a pic of Preston with his prize!

oh.. forgive me, because I will probably link you to the FB photos.. if for some reason you cannot see them.. let me know.. I'll do a transfer!

Ok.. so onto Hunters very 1st Hockey game.. My boss somehow managed to get me 4 free tickets to the Blues Hockey game... and great seats to boot! I was knee deep in work and didnt feel like going so I drove Todd, Hunter and our brother in law Jim and niece Aj over to St.Louis and dropped them off to watch the game. Todd said they had a BLAST! He said Hunter was yelling at the top of his lungs the entire game.. chanting "Lets go Blues"! I cant wait til we can go again. Next time I'll be going for sure. Since then Todd has bought Hunter several Blues hockey shirts and Hunter has expressed how cool it would be to become a professional hockey player.. if only we lived in Canada.. huh Jodie? hahaha ;)