Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Do you ever~

...get the feeling that someone is waiting for you to say something profound? I get that feeling, if not something profound something of importance to them. Well hell.. I have that feeling and Im sorry to say that I just have nothing to say..nothing to argue, nothing to sing about ... just nothing. Do you think this is an effect from Prozac? Possibly ... possibly it could be that Ive grown stronger than I ever thought possible and I just dont let things bother me as they used to.
Recently my Grandma passed away... she and I were so very close... but the past two years she has been without mind. Of course I was saddened by this and cried every night that she lay there in that hospital bed... finally after a prayer of asking her to let go... she went. Since then, Ive had no emotion. Nothing. No tears, no worries, no more love than usual, no more nothing. Im just *being*... I dont know if thats a good thing or not. I dont want to be un-emotional.. but dont want to be over-emotional either. Did I mention that since the emotion is gone the analyzing has increased... hahaa
Onto another subject...Relationships~
I dont know people... I try hard to be fair, to give the benefit of the doubt. I welcome new people with open arms. I try to protect them, listen and be there for them. Sometimes it works out and sometimes not, as does any relationship. I cannot, however, take the non-working relationship failures onto my shoulders and let them bring me down. I have to just learn from them and be weary of the next relationship that forms. It just wouldnt be fair to the people in my life that mean the world to me... my sons and my husband if I let my strong side wither to pieces from a toxic relationship.. especially one that was with a person that Ive never met in real life. To me its just not worth the aggravation if I am the only one working to resolve issues within the relationship... is it for anyone? We all go our separate ways at times and I can respect that. At least I have the courtesy to say goodbye and thank you for allowing me to know you even though it didnt work.
What would the world be like if we could all do that???.......... yeah... peace out~

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2 comments:

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Gina Hanson said...

Sorry to hear about your Grandma . . . Death is such a terrible thing to experience, I know that we've had more than enough to deal with in the past 5 months. Hang in there! :)